My First Blog Post

CURING THE INCURABLE

A long time ago in kitchens all over the world people were bombarded by monotony. There was little if any variation in the items on the dinner menu. Many, many people suffered from this unavoidable plague, and they never even knew the torment they were bringing upon themselves. I have devoted my life to the fight against this raging epidemic of taste indifference. The enemy I fight is cunning and is always well camouflaged. It hides itself as someone who most consider merely a “picky eater.” To me, a “picky eater” is someone who has been infected with a dangerous disease, and the only method of treatment is to systemically destroy all my “patient’s” stereotypes about food by forcing them to eat various, unrelated food combinations.

Why is fighting this scourge upon civilization so important? It is imperative that it be conquered because if left unchecked the epidemic of taste indifference will ravage society and eventually prevent everyone everywhere from truly appreciating the food the world has to offer. In a few words, food is a gateway to unknown world, a portal to astonishing adventures, and a sort of secret passage that leads to a deeper understanding of other cultures. The food of Italy and India is as varied as night and day. If a person is lucky enough to be able to visit a different country but then refuses to try the local cuisine then he or she has deprived himself or herself of one of the greatest treasures that country has to offer. Food also holds a unique position in helping someone cope with personal tragedies. Whether it is a huge bowl of sweet, rich ice cream, or a monstrous, piece of steak that is as large as a small cow itself, our comfort food always puts us in a better mood. It does not make one bit of difference whether the steak is perfectly marinated, or if the ice cream was made from the finest vanilla, a person’s comfort food always vastly improves his or her mood. There is only one time when a person cannot be calmed by his or her comfort food, and it is a particularly heartbreaking situation indeed. The only time a comfort food offers no comfort is when a person has never tried his or her perfect comfort food. It might be the California roll that’s always been curiously tantalizing, or the grilled portabella mushroom that has its own grotesque elegance. I can guarantee, however, that if the stomach is not willing, it may be missing out on the greatest, most unique and exquisite taste it will have ever experienced.

To fully appreciate how trying various, unrelated food combinations is just as integral in improving people’s lives let me give a firsthand experience. When my job forced me to move to New York City after I graduated from Georgia Tech I was extremely upset. I had already plotted my life’s path and moving to such a far away land was definitely not anywhere on that path. I had graduated with an aerospace engineering degree, and I was going to celebrate in my favorite manner, order a medium pizza with pepperoni, Canadian bacon, and tomatoes. It was precisely this unusual combination of toppings that forever changed my life. As I was ordering an editor for Gourmet magazine approached me and asked me about my unique and seemingly disgusting pizza topping combination. I told him I was celebrating my graduation, and in the striking conversation that followed the editor mentioned he was visiting the campus looking for an aerospace engineer to write an article on why it is enviable for aircraft manufacturers to include full size kitchens on airliners. I immediately seized the opportunity by not so subtly mentioning that my major was aerospace engineering and I loved to eat. He offered me the article and that one article opened the door to another, and another, and another until finally I was working full-time for Gourmet magazine as a staff-writer. So my love of pepperoni, Canadian bacon, and tomatoes as pizza toppings led to a career I had never anticipated, but immediately knew was the perfect job.

Some may be wondering how this relates to my struggle to against the “picky eater” epidemic. This story is how a got my beginnings fighting the epidemic. When I started my work at Gourmet, I never imagined that such an epidemic could even exist. However, I soon realized just how the destructive potential of this type of epidemic. That meeting showed me the best method of combating the disease, though I did not recognize it at the time. The editor who was on the receiving end of that fateful conversation later told me that he used to be a “picky eater” until he heard my order. He said that when he first got the editing job at Gourmet he had forced himself to try new foods, specifically tomatoes, but until the day he tried my pizza he never even come close to liking them. He was scared that it was going to be a short lived experience, so I decided to use him as my first test patient. We repeatedly ordered my specialty pizza and to our amazement he gradually began to enjoy tomatoes more and more. He began to order his hamburgers with tomatoes. I fixed him a plain tomato sandwich, and he absolutely loved it. The one factor that assured me he was fully on the road to recovery was when he came barging into my cubicle and told me that he had eaten a tomato. Plain. He had been completely cured and it only took a few pizzas and hamburgers, a little time, and a willing stomach.

Trying to find a cure for the taste indifference epidemic offers many unique challenges that are not seen with normal diseases and infection. The symptoms are not easily spotted and it usually requires that I get to know someone on a very personal level. However, the greater the awareness of the problem the easier it is to enact treatment. I have offered the antibiotics with which taste indifference can be destroyed. The question is if you are willing to fight with me?

“Meatzza Pizza.” Photograph. (n.d.) From luchianos.com.

http://www.luchianos.com/menu/show (accessed September 3, 2009)